as of this week, i will no longer be writing fan accounts.
this was a decision that was made after several days of thought and self-reflection. i know there are many many people who depend on my fan accounts and take joy in reading them, but i no longer find joy in writing them. it’s become more of a burden than anything else, and while i know many of you support me and don’t judge me, there are many others who do and it’s become impossible to ignore. i originally made the decision to write fan accounts because there are lots of international fans who would be interested to hear what idols are like at fansigns. but too many things have happened since and i’m not sure i feel comfortable sharing my experiences anymore. yes, some of this is due to “haters.” but it’s also due to my personal need for privacy, of which i have had very little due to telling everyone about my fansign experiences. also, the more i talk to certain people (i.e. bangtan), the more i want to keep our conversations to myself. you might think i’m selfish, but they’re very precious memories to me and it’s getting more and more difficult to share them with so many people. like i said, it was fun at first. but now too many people are judging my life decisions and while i know not to listen to other people it just gets tiring to be bombarded with negativity every single day. to everyone who’s supported me thus far, know that i am eternally grateful. i never expected to come this far and it’s thanks to everyone’s kind words that i didn’t stop writing long ago.
the fan accounts i have already posted will remain on my tumblr until the end of december. after that, i will be deleting my blog.
this doesn’t mean i’m disappearing, and i am by no means leaving fandom. i will still be active on twitter and instagram, you will be able to see a few fansign updates there. as you may know, i’m going back to america in a couple weeks to finish schooling so there wouldn’t be fanaccounts after december anyway. i have plans to return to korea eventually, but i have no plans to write fanaccounts again.
i sincerely apologize to those who were looking forward to more fan accounts; thank you for all your support and encouragement.